Results from the "What gives us the idea we are somehow special" blog:

Many friends replied here and on Facebook and I have had a few very interesting discussions in person, on this topic.  Although this is not the last word, I will give a recap on some of the thoughts gathered and answers to the questions posed:

1.  We are special because we are unique and obviously if there is only one of something, it is pretty darn special, no matter how you look at it, or how it feels about itself.  In German you call it an "unikat" or in English an "unique specimen".  No one can deny that it is something special.

2.  Some people are indeed simply amazing and rise to fame without striving, unassuming and seemingly without effort.  These are often people who are comfortable with their uniqueness.  My son Rheece is like that.  He simply does ONLY what he loves doing, he chooses consistently to see the beauty in other people and he is very talented and unique in music, rhythm and art.  Everywhere he goes, people express their love for his art and his person and many people have said to him that he is the closest thing to Jesus on earth that they have ever seen.  He is not trying, he simply is.  Very many people also stare at him as he is so different and they are so 'the same', but no one can deny he is something special.

3.  Then there are the people who rise above the crowd by sheer determination, hard work, will power and a refusal to give up.  Sportsmen and women usually fall into this category.  My eldest son Baine is in this category too.  He has chosen a very hard and strenuous career for himself that pushes his body, mind, soul and spirit to the limits and he is GREAT at it.  He is competitive firstly against himself and has been since he was a child.  He always needs to prove to himself that he has given his utmost.  He is usually top of his group, over-all best and highest achiever in any activity.  He works hard and is disciplined and uses every resource to his avail, in order to achieve greatness.  He has been responsible and has taken weaker people in his care, also since childhood and his chosen vocation allows him to live out this trait.  No-one can deny that he is something special.

4.  Then there is the idea that people are special in their own right and that we rise above our own crowd.  The same person who is part of the 'crowd' in one area (arts, sport etc.) will be above the crowd in some other area,. (politics or acting etc.) While there is no denying that there are specific people who are so good at what they do that they rise to fame, even if they are 'average' in other areas, it is good to know that being special is not a uniform, conformist notion.  It is a very relative thing.  Someone can be extremely famous in their own country in one area and be utterly unknown in the rest of the world, but that is simply a matter of exposure.  No-one can deny that these people are something special!

5.  There are also people who achieve against the odds.  These are the people, whom life has thrown the curve-ball, but that very same ball, somehow made them strong and made them who they are.  My daughter Jenny certainly is in this category.  Without going into details, it suffices to say that on a daily basis she disproves everything that could be true about the results of the obstacles that she faces, and there are several.  The curve-ball is something that she is an expert on, as young as she is. It has brought out very special qualities in her that makes her rise above her crowd and will become even more instrumental in her achieving greatness still.   There is no denying that she is indeed something special.

6.  The most endearing notions of greatness and even grandeur, comes from children.  Somehow we start out as children, never doubting that we are special and that we will achieve greatness.  I believe it is a great crime to tell a child anything to the contrary.  Never break a child down.  Never step on their dreams and never try to explain 'reality' to them.  It is not their reality that you are talking about.  It is your own.  You have no idea what their reality might look like.  You have no right to 'bring them down to size' (your size) or disillusion them.  Before they are exposed to the lies that they are not special, they all think they are. There is something simply magical and angelic about small children.  And no-one can deny that every child is something special.

7.  The last group I want to look at for now, is those who achieve greatness in God's will for their lives.  No matter what that may be, if your heart belongs wholly to God and you say: Let Your Will be done... and you surrender daily to the unctions and promptings of that gentle inner voice, you are achieving greatness in the highest and purest forms.  By the nature of things, this is a self-less endeavor - there is always an element of 'laying down your life for your friends' of which 1 John 3:3 says - there is no greater love.  No-one can deny that this is truly special in every way.

So, on the eve of my 1 month quest to find my toes in India,*(I shall explain shortly) I will take something of each of these 7 kinds of wonderful.  I will celebrate my uniqueness and rest in that.  I will stop striving and just be comfortable with my own talents.  I will put effort into the potential that I have.  I will consider that, perhaps although I am not 'famous' in the true sense of the word, in my small crowd of colleagues, I rise above the norm, go the extra mile.  Particularly in the non-profit world where I work and live, at least I know that there are a handful of very vulnerable people, who may think I am special, simply because I followed Jesus' example and heeded his call to feed the hungry, visit those in prison, touch the untouchables, love the unloving.  I will re-connect with the little Meleney, who never doubted that she was going to achieve BIG and that she is something very special.  In doing so, I will have to face those very child-hood traumas that stole that initial idea away from me - I will catch those curve-balls and use them to my advantage.  But finally, no matter what it is, whether big or small if I quietly set my heart on finding and doing ONLY God's will for me, I will not be able to deny any longer that I am indeed something special.

*Quest of finding my toes:  For the past few years I have sat most of my days in front of my laptop.  Firstly while studying, then for my job at Viva Foundation. I became less and less active.  Result:  I cant touch my toes bending forward.  I am too stiff and I have constant back-ache.  So yes, I have decided as I empty myself of expectations for the time I will spend in India and simply enjoying a re-boot, I will have this one goal... I want to find my toes again.  I will back-pack and walk and do yoga and swim and climb and jump - no one knows me there and I just wont care what I look like doing all these things... hopefully after one month, I will be able to touch my toes again - straight legs - bent forward.

What gives us the idea that we are somehow special and that we will probably become something amazing/accomplish something great?

Does everyone feel that way, I wonder?  Are some people happy to just be?  Happy to fill their niche and do their part in an unassuming way, content with home and work and what they have become?  Or does everyone have this expectation that they are going to stand out among the crowd?  And what about the crowd?  You need a crowd for someone to stand out of it.  Is everyone in the crowd happy to be the crowd?  Are some of those who think they should be, or are going to stand out, really meant to?

What if you are meant to be 'one of the crowd' and you have a misguided notion that you should be standing out?  It may sound somber, but I think it is valid.  I realize I have always - from my not-so-great childhood already- thought that I am very special and that I will stand out from the crowd.  Is it a way for a child to reach up into its potential?  I remember when I was about 13 hearing a talk on the radio on how hard it is for a person to rise just one level above the level they were born into and how much energy and effort it takes to rise above your circumstances.  I also remember deciding that no matter what it takes I will rise above my circumstances.

We were poor, my mom a single mom, my Dad who left us when I was 5 had passed away a year before and there I was, deciding that I will never be average.  I am something special and I will be known.  Visible.  My life will be meaningful in more areas than just domestic or local.  It sounds fine, but really, what if everyone feel that way?  Who is going to be the crowd?  It is obviously rather relative - we cant all be Nelson Mandela or Robert de Niro.  Perhaps we can comfort ourselves with a lot of philosophy and pondering the meaning of life and how 'every effort is worthwhile no matter how insignificant.'  But that simply doesnt answer my question right now and it doesnt still the longing to rise.

That brings me to the next question - those people who rose above the crowd - really rose above - did they want to?  Did they decide to?  Did they also feel somehow that they are special?  Did they expect to rise and be famous or significant?  Was it conscious effort?  Did they suspect that their life is somehow great or are they really special and automatically rose above the crowd, because unlike those who think they are, they truly are: special.

And then here is the big question:  What is the price of rising above the crowd?  Is it worth it?  For those who work hard at it and accomplish it by effort, exertion and striving AND for those who are so amazing that they quietly and effortlessly rise above the crowd - is the price not too high?  I have noticed that in many cases true greatness come from a very broken and disturbed place.  There often is a big imbalance and disturbingly burdened soul, or at best a dysfunctional human, behind many of the masters of greatness, whether it is in the arts or politics.  I suspect even among the ranks of altruism, there are difficult people behind some of the greatest endeavours.

Final question:  What about me?  (if anyone replies to this blog with "you ARE special Meleney" I shall scream and probably vomit myself to sleep tonight!! It is not what this is about.  I am really simply making this matter personal.  Who gave me the right to decide I am going to be one of those who rise above the crowd?  Did I decide that myself?  Did I set myself up for a lot heartache, hard work and strife?  Am I willing to stop striving?  The thought makes me shudder.  I believe I am more or less at the half way mark in my life.  If I have to stop striving and accept that I might have been misguided in my notion of greatness, what will keep me going?  I look back at the first half and I am not happy.  I have failures that haunt me.  I have seen that my desire for 'more' has sometimes robbed me of what I had!  But God knows if I have to resign and coast along for the second half of my life and sink into the knowledge that I was never meant to rise above, and that I will probably never reach greatness, I would rather die right now.

Can someone who did rise above the crowd - really, really rose, not just stood on their toes for a few years- please tell me that they also got to this point where I am now and give me the key, the secret?  Will they please tell me if it is possible to stop striving and still rise?  Is there someone who can tell me that I can surrender and not slip down, but magically coast upward?  Is this why Jesus said "This is how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, let Your name be glorified, let Your kingdom come, let Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven...?  I know on an intellectual level that I have no choice.  It is always going to be what it is and my striving is not going to force the will of God.  But I cant somehow, on an emotional level, accept that I could indeed just surrender and that great things will happen without my effort.  Ag crap!! What am I going to do?

Anyone with a spare press?  Leon needs one to fix the Jeep's wheel.  I thought a press was something that dry-cleaners use to make clothes flat.  Or The Press - that amazing organism that plays possum whenever you try to hold it responsible for its deeds.  

You've heard it:  We don't make the news, we just report it.  Yes.  Sure.  You are just the messenger and unlike all of us on this planet, you are the only entity devoid of an agenda.  Amazingly.  Completely without bias, utterly selfless and brimming with wisdom.  And not swayed by profit, nor Board decisions, Shareholder opinions and -God forbid we look like conspiracy theorists - that Band of Brothers behind the scenes.  

I am not completely against The Press or the Media, but I am weary of that Spawn of the marriage between Media and Marketing. I could have taken this blog into a very serious, political discussion right now, but I am too tired and not angry enough about anything in particular at this moment.  So I will just say this about Media and Marketing.  Who are you fooling?  Just about everyone?  Oh.  I thought so.  

Well I'm not fooled.  Usually not.  Unless I am hungry/depressed/bored/overjoyed/euphoric - then I might be fooled. But generally I am not.  Take these lamp post adverts for a fitness/diet programme.  They use the bikini-clad torso of a girl (perhaps) that has never been fat in her life and that has muscles that can only be the result of 12 years of hard training and steroids, under a headline "Loose weight today."  What do you see?  The torso and 'today'.  I can buy this product, buy into this programme and although that torso belongs to someone who wouldn't know how to loose weight if it was a small child at Disney World, I will probably look just like that TODAY!!  

Marketing is about saying NOTHING about the product you are selling, and EVERYTHING about something unobtainable that can be made to look obtainable when your product name/logo is placed cleverly in a photo in relationship with it.  How many glossy property development brochures have actual pictures or lay-out plans of the development on them?  Do you want to see the small rooms and deduct that you will have to cut your bed in half and turn it into a bunk-bed if you want to fit a bedside table and your husband in there with you?  Or do you want to see that gorgeously groomed couple with the marvelously angelic off-spring staring into the wide open spaces (that will disappear as soon as our development is finished) weaving their fingers through the flowing wheat like Russel Crowe in The Gladiator.  Wheat?  What the Frikkadel?  When last have we seen wheat in Pretoria?  But we want to.  We want to buy a piece of overpriced property in an estate where some old lady will crap you out because your children rode their bikes past her front door, because we want to be that lovely air-brushed woman, with the husband who adores her and the  ready-made boy and girl in the right age group and perfectly synchronized age gap.  

Next time you see marketing that tells you something about the product it is selling and not some added benefit abstract or real, pinch yourself.  You are not awake and you will drive into the dude in front of you and find out that Budget Insurance really does offer low low premiums.  And nothing else.  You get low low premiums.  You dont actually get covered for anything.  You just get the joy of sending off low low premiums from your pocket to theirs every month.  (It's my blog and I can say what I want to.  Besides I know about Budget Insurance's low low premiums and no no pay-outs.  Did the whole dance with Ombudsman etc. until I just...gave...up!)  

I have finally decided to start my own blog.  It took so long, because although I am generally an 'early adapter' (bell curve) I also resent hopping on every band-wagon with too many passengers.  For instance, I must have been the last cow to own a cell phone!  I just did not want to receive a call while purchasing milk and cell-phones looked to me like remote controls, except I was the one being 'controlled'.  (Another thing I resent - actually not 'resent' - just simply wont tolerate) I simply will not hit 'share' or 're-post' when told to.  NEVER! Never ever!  I smell out manipulation from a mile and I am Salesman-Bane!

I now have a phone and I love it for playing 'word mole' but it still freaks me out when someone says in that whiny, accusatory and wounded tone: I tried to get hold of you on your phone, but couldn't (and then the unspoken implication: "...which is why we are no longer friends/the deal is off/I wiped you out of my little Black Book of Life!!)  Truth is there is one single missed call with no message left as the only evidence of this desperate search for me, the failure of which having resulted in the deduction that cruel rejection is the only explanation.  ("I was in the loo", or "I was in a meeting/with my family at the dining table/fast asleep on account of 'the call came in at 5h50'/God-forbid making hanky-panky with my husband" all just too plausible to be true.  No, my failure to answer your call MUST mean that I am the mean-spirited incarnation of Rejection Evil, and that, after having seemed so warm, friendly and accommodating at first.

Oh I see I am going to do a lot of ranting on this blog of mine.  Well, I am not anticipating anyone actually reading my blog, so I guess it is a better way to vent than those darn direct emails that have gotten me into so much poop thus far.  Yes, yes, poop.  There might also be the occasional 'Scheisse' or my favourite of all Afrikaans words 'kak' on this blog.  My mom was a wonderful, hospitable lady who loved Jesus with all her heart and left an amazing legacy of faith and poise... yet she said 'kak'.  She always used it in a 3 word phrase "Ag kak man".  Translated:  "I strongly disagree with that statement and believe from the bottom of my heart that it is based at best, on a shaky premise."  or simply:  Ag kak man.  

The Germans use the word Scheisse very loosely (no pun intended) and it seemed to me that it is a socially acceptable word: Gold aus Scheisse.  Translated:  I am expected to produce something worthwhile (gold) from inferior/inadequate raw materials/resources (poop).  And when the socially acceptable word 'Scheisse' is not enough then the stronger 'Kacke' seem to fill the gap.  I also like 'Kacke'.  And the way it is used in some German dialects to sound like 'Gacke' - example "Voll auf d' Gacke gehauen"  Direct translation: "Hit right on the poop" and translation of meaning:  "Fell down/missed it badly/came upon a sudden and unexpected negative outcome."

My introduction into the German use of the word "Scheisse" came ironically in the form a translation of a German story, told by a German Pastor driving 220 km/h on the autobahn in a Mercedes.  He used the English word "Sheet" for shit (which is still a word that I find harder to use than kak/gacke/sheisse).  The story goes like this:

A cat once chased a mouse into a barn.  The mouse ran to a cow and asked her to quickly 'sheet' on him.  The cow did and when the cat came in, found the tail of the mouse sticking out of the 'sheet'.  The cat pulled the mouse out and ate him.  The moral of the story is:  Not everyone who 'sheets' on you is your enemy and not everyone pulling you out of the 'sheet' is your friend.  Words to live by.

We, fresh from South Africa, shook slightly on the inside, every-time he said 'sheet', but as the years went by, a deterioration if you will, of speech took place that we did not even notice, until we returned to South Africa and picked up on that same slight inner shaking by our audience, when we said similar words.  I now find that although I sometimes feel the need to reign in on the toilet-language, I actually dont understand what the big deal is.  What better substance to liken unwanted situations to?  You know.  Substance.  We like to give substance to what we say.  Here is an opportunity to literally give substance to what we are saying and yet it is frowned upon in finer circles.  Ask my good friend Ds. Jaco Strydom!  (Die Vloek Dominee.  Translation:  The Swearing Reverent) whom I find stellar by the way, in every way!!!

My husband feels that I should not write like this.  For the record.  Perhaps he feels that I am going to get into... trouble.