Friday 18 January 2013
Meleney's Stained Glass Window on the World: How many hands do you need to use a toilet on a mo...
Meleney's Stained Glass Window on the World: How many hands do you need to use a toilet on a mo...: The answer is 5. You need 5 hands to use a toilet on a moving train in India. Perhaps only the untrained need 5, but I definitely needed 5...
How many hands do you need to use a toilet on a moving Indian train?
The answer is 5. You need 5 hands to use a toilet on a moving train in India. Perhaps only the untrained need 5, but I definitely needed 5. I shall explain:
Let's assume you are wearing comfortable slacks, which is highly recommended for a 24+ hour train trip. Something like a tracksuit, or pants made of loose-fitting, non-crease material, with a draw-string or elastic band around the waist, is good for such a trip. Now this garment, which is great for the other 23 hours and 50 minutes, requires 3 hands in the Indian train toilet. You will want to pull up both legs, so that no part of the garment touches the floor. You also need one hand to hold the elastic part down while you awkwardly squat over the slit in the floor, through which you can behold the outside world under the train, speeding by. Hence, 3 hands for the pants.
Then there is the hand that you need to hold onto the wall with. (You probably wish you had 2 hands for this, but you are already a couple of hands short, so you figure you can spare a hand and hold on with one.) You need to hold on, because the train is moving and swaying from side to side. You know that you will die from freak-out if you fall over, so this is probably one of the more important hands.
Finally you need the hand to administer the toilet paper/scented wet-wipe/cup of water. None of the other hands will do for this. You cant let go of what-ever you are holding on to steady yourself and you cant drop your pants-legs, because you now know for sure that the floor is not just wet with water. You, after-all, made sure of that. You can also not let go of the elastic that is meant to hold the pants up, as it will surely slip up due to the tremendous strain you are putting on it from squatting. So, that certainly means the 5th hand will have to reach for the wet-wipes.
There... 5 hands.
When you get good at it you can eliminate the use of 2 of the hands by pulling up both pants-legs and down the elastic and holding it all with one hand, somewhere out of harm's way. But then you still need a hand for holding and a hand for the wet-wipes. Then, if you manage to balance yourself so well that you feel confident you can let go of what-ever you are using to steady yourself, you might reach with that hand for the wet-wipes. Or, you can just travel first class and find there is the option of European Style commodes and Indian Style squat toilets. Good luck to you and... to my Indian friends; Respect!!!
In this photo, I am contemplating how long it will take for the seams of my slacks to dry and whether people will wonder what the heck I am doing, when I spray out half a bottle of Clinique Happy, on my feet. I am also wrestling with the meaning of life, but mostly about the other stuff I just mentioned.
Let's assume you are wearing comfortable slacks, which is highly recommended for a 24+ hour train trip. Something like a tracksuit, or pants made of loose-fitting, non-crease material, with a draw-string or elastic band around the waist, is good for such a trip. Now this garment, which is great for the other 23 hours and 50 minutes, requires 3 hands in the Indian train toilet. You will want to pull up both legs, so that no part of the garment touches the floor. You also need one hand to hold the elastic part down while you awkwardly squat over the slit in the floor, through which you can behold the outside world under the train, speeding by. Hence, 3 hands for the pants.
Then there is the hand that you need to hold onto the wall with. (You probably wish you had 2 hands for this, but you are already a couple of hands short, so you figure you can spare a hand and hold on with one.) You need to hold on, because the train is moving and swaying from side to side. You know that you will die from freak-out if you fall over, so this is probably one of the more important hands.
Finally you need the hand to administer the toilet paper/scented wet-wipe/cup of water. None of the other hands will do for this. You cant let go of what-ever you are holding on to steady yourself and you cant drop your pants-legs, because you now know for sure that the floor is not just wet with water. You, after-all, made sure of that. You can also not let go of the elastic that is meant to hold the pants up, as it will surely slip up due to the tremendous strain you are putting on it from squatting. So, that certainly means the 5th hand will have to reach for the wet-wipes.
There... 5 hands.
When you get good at it you can eliminate the use of 2 of the hands by pulling up both pants-legs and down the elastic and holding it all with one hand, somewhere out of harm's way. But then you still need a hand for holding and a hand for the wet-wipes. Then, if you manage to balance yourself so well that you feel confident you can let go of what-ever you are using to steady yourself, you might reach with that hand for the wet-wipes. Or, you can just travel first class and find there is the option of European Style commodes and Indian Style squat toilets. Good luck to you and... to my Indian friends; Respect!!!
Wednesday 16 January 2013
I havent blogged in a few months and here is why: I went to India for a month, then returned for a very very busy month at Viva and then went on holiday for a month, and returned to a new very very busy month in 2013.
India: What a wonderful, colourful, fragrant country. I travelled with my son Rheece and this opened up a whole world full of young people that I could mother to bits. We back-packed. Yes. I did back-pack. I also jumped off a cliff into water, slept on a rock in front of a cave, I climbed up 599 stairs to the monkey temple in Hampi, I rode a scooter, I traveled on many a train, I ate in dodgy places, I was carted about on rickshaws, tuk-tuks, taxis, buses and on bicycles. I at many a momo. (Tibetan pasta parcels with spinach and mushroom filling) I ate lots of chapatis with lots of wonderful dishes that I cant remember by name. I slept on very hard beds. I went to an Indian loo on a moving train, the tale of which is a topic for a post all on its own. I bought a Tanpura and I dolak. (Indian guitar and Indian drum) I sang and played my drum on the beach at night with amazing people until the tide washed up under us. I did many such things... but what is really amazing is that I heard God very clearly. He spoke to me in different ways: quiet voices, through a drunk Brit, at the foot of the biggest fortress (Jodhpur) I had ever seen, through my writing and through a beautiful prophecy that I wrote down sitting at an ordinary restaurant table. Yep, He spoke to me in many places and may ways, the tale of which is also a topic for its own post.
I came back to South Africa and was not a little bit shocked. I discovered that, unlike while travelling in India, it was not always possible to walk away from what annoys me. Reality hit me a little hard. Dont forget it was the very very busy last month of the year. I cant remember anymore how many very big events we had at Viva, plus getting everything ready for the close-down. VAT returns, PAYE, Salaries, HR files, Letters, Arrangements, Gifts for hundreds of children, Catering, Venues, Equipment, Staff, All the Stuff I Didnt Do While In India... what a shock!
Luckily there is the River of Destiny at Wilderness where I could re-gain my sanity. But, alas, I must admit, I have not yet managed to find what I had in India and it makes me a little sad. I was so sure I would be able to keep up the new habits I picked up there, like reading a lot, reflecting a lot, walking a lot, eating little, and worrying very little. Basically the main thing I kept from India is drinking a lot of water. That I still do. I might simply have to go back.
2013 does have another kind of feel to it though and I notice it is a universal thing. People are positive - very positive - about 2013 and so am I. It is going to be a good year. Next I shall write about my Rape Response Protocol Initiative. It is going to be a big thing.
If you read this - and I will be amazed if you did - thank you for doing so.
Meleney
India: What a wonderful, colourful, fragrant country. I travelled with my son Rheece and this opened up a whole world full of young people that I could mother to bits. We back-packed. Yes. I did back-pack. I also jumped off a cliff into water, slept on a rock in front of a cave, I climbed up 599 stairs to the monkey temple in Hampi, I rode a scooter, I traveled on many a train, I ate in dodgy places, I was carted about on rickshaws, tuk-tuks, taxis, buses and on bicycles. I at many a momo. (Tibetan pasta parcels with spinach and mushroom filling) I ate lots of chapatis with lots of wonderful dishes that I cant remember by name. I slept on very hard beds. I went to an Indian loo on a moving train, the tale of which is a topic for a post all on its own. I bought a Tanpura and I dolak. (Indian guitar and Indian drum) I sang and played my drum on the beach at night with amazing people until the tide washed up under us. I did many such things... but what is really amazing is that I heard God very clearly. He spoke to me in different ways: quiet voices, through a drunk Brit, at the foot of the biggest fortress (Jodhpur) I had ever seen, through my writing and through a beautiful prophecy that I wrote down sitting at an ordinary restaurant table. Yep, He spoke to me in many places and may ways, the tale of which is also a topic for its own post.
I came back to South Africa and was not a little bit shocked. I discovered that, unlike while travelling in India, it was not always possible to walk away from what annoys me. Reality hit me a little hard. Dont forget it was the very very busy last month of the year. I cant remember anymore how many very big events we had at Viva, plus getting everything ready for the close-down. VAT returns, PAYE, Salaries, HR files, Letters, Arrangements, Gifts for hundreds of children, Catering, Venues, Equipment, Staff, All the Stuff I Didnt Do While In India... what a shock!
Luckily there is the River of Destiny at Wilderness where I could re-gain my sanity. But, alas, I must admit, I have not yet managed to find what I had in India and it makes me a little sad. I was so sure I would be able to keep up the new habits I picked up there, like reading a lot, reflecting a lot, walking a lot, eating little, and worrying very little. Basically the main thing I kept from India is drinking a lot of water. That I still do. I might simply have to go back.
2013 does have another kind of feel to it though and I notice it is a universal thing. People are positive - very positive - about 2013 and so am I. It is going to be a good year. Next I shall write about my Rape Response Protocol Initiative. It is going to be a big thing.
If you read this - and I will be amazed if you did - thank you for doing so.
Meleney
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