Jesus wasn't a Christian - The Full Shocking Story

I got a lot of likes for that status update.  I was actually hoping to press the red button for some people and I think I might have still.  But those people don't feel like engaging me in an argument and they probably just got a bit peeved at my poking attitude.  ("Poke" as in "Stop poking or I'll tell!" and not the "What the hell is Facebook poking all about?" kind of way) Because when they think a little bit about it, they know exactly what I mean.

I love it that when blogging I can start sentences with 'But' and 'Because'.  Proper grammar would have been "On the contrary..." and "However", or "For this reason..", because one shouldn't start proper sentences with But and Because.

So yes, Jesus was not a Christian.  He was not a follower of Christ.  He didn't give His life to the Lord.  He was definitely also not a Disciple.  He didn't go up at the end of a moving service and followed the head-usher to the room next door.  He didn't take His Bible and personal possessions with Him to prevent the other Christians and clever robbers of church-folk, from stealing His stuff.  He did not follow the 86 week Discipleship course and the 3 Steps to Heaven, the John 3:16 Course, the How to become a Fisher of Men workshop, the Leadership and Other Wannabe Leaders Summit, or the Now that You are Born Again Training Seminar.  He definitely did not complete the Strength Finder Assessment, the Colour Coding for Easy Human Categorization profile questionnaire, the Japanese Art of War Strategic Management for Christian Leaders Course, or the "If you can't walk on water, wait till it freezes over and other practical Messianic tricks" Seminar.*

*Most of these are not real courses offered.

No dear Friends, Jesus was the real deal!!  He is the Chief Cornerstone.  He is the Rosetta Stone.  (I don't know if that is technically correct.  The Rosetta Stone is probably a chip from the Chief Cornerstone.)  He it the beginning and the end, He makes cryptonite in His backyard, but not after school, because He doesn't go to school so that other people can teach Him what to believe.  He doesn't believe.  He knows.  I could say something about Chuck Norris now, but nothing funny comes to mind.

Did you play "Broken Telephone" as a child?  Did you also have the distinct feeling that some kids deliberately perverted the whispered word?  You knew they heard exactly what it was, but wanted to make sure that some nonsense comes out the other end.  Well that is too close to the truth about followers of followers of followers of followers of followers... today.  If you want to know the word that began... stand next to the one who whispers it first.  And whisper it exactly as you hear it and then tell all the other kids down the line to come and stand where you are standing and get the word from the ORIGINATOR!!  (If you can say any word that ends in 'tor' without thinking about Spongebob then you are not of this world.  Alien imposter!  IMPOSTOR!  Go clone a Facebook account!)

I guess what I am trying to say... ya I know, my thoughts are as random as that thick book "Don Coyote" ... what I'm trying to say is:  I dont really care how you give your life to Jesus.  It is beautiful to see people go forward after a moving service and give their lives to the Lord.  I cry every time.  But don't follow the followers.  Follow the Real Deal.  And Disciple Makers:  please make disciples of Jesus and not disciples of yourself, your mandate, or your demographic.

Some Christian churches advertise their desired demographic subtly, but most of them do it blatantly.  The clean-cut, friendly pastor and his gorgeous wife smile down from the billboard saying:  "You would LOVE it here by us".  Others put their desired demographic on their billboard.  If you are a happy, gorgeous family (black, white, Asian, Hispanic), preferably a heterosexual married couple with 2 or 3 children, if you are old and beautiful or young and beautiful and most importantly if you are in your right mind... "You would LOVE it here by us!"  (..and we would love you right back!)

Please imagine what Jesus' billboard would look like.  Just imagine driving past and you see a porn-star on the job, a kid shooting heroin into his veins, a pedophile, a politician, a gorgeous heterosexual married couple with 2 or 3 children, a hobo, a hillbilly, a lawyer, a hippie, a scientist, a wall-street banker, a G8 protester, a guerrilla fighter, a child soldier, a rhino poacher, an NGO volunteer, an untouchable, a rockstar, a secretary, a doctor, a gangster, an artist, an extremist, a witch, a Gospel singer, a tax cheater, a drunk driver, a pastor, and a whole lot of little children, on a billboard... then you might very well be at Jesus' church!  Because He says ALL who are weary and heavy laden COME TO ME!  Are you heavy laden with guilt, or heavy laden with wealth?  Are you just plain sick and tired, or are you just plain sick and tired of people who are sick and tired?  Are you freaking awesome, or are you as plain as low-fat, unflavored yogurt?  You are Jesus' demographic!

Don't follow the followers, follow Jesus.  It is really great to be in a great church.  But follow Jesus.  Take life with a pinch of salt.  And follow Jesus.  If you don't like Christians, it just may comfort you that Jesus wasn't one either.  If you want to know what the Word is... get it from the One who whispers it first!

This is a cool interview with Bono http://noapologizing.wordpress.com/2011/02/24/u2s-bono-interview-about-christ/